User:Mmmmm PIE

From Zelda Wiki.org

?Biography?

Bryan Faucher (1989-1999) was a Zelda Fan and from the Resort/Town of Fernie in British Columbia (Canada). Eldest son of a Pastry Cheff/Secret Agent and renegade Gypsy Princess, Bryan spent his first years learning to bake Enchanted, Poisenberry Cream Cheese Danishes and other Homeopathic Baked Good of Mass destruction. Cursed with oddly shaped elbows since birth, he was judges unfit to live at age ten and made the village scapegoat; sacrificed to the Technology Gods on an alter of old Apple IIEs. Incidentally, the pureness of his pwnsom soul was enough to save the world from Y2K... little thanks it garnered him.

For some time, his eSpirit dwealt on the minor levels of internet Hell where he engaged in all manner of the new evils; tolling, whining, and n00bery. Drawn irresistably to creatures as uttely lame as himself, he soon found a permanent new home on GameFAQs. Although there were all manner of game and social boards to wallow in, each offering its own unique brand of filth, a budding obsession bound him tightly to the Majora's Mask region, damning him to suffer eternal amongst Rps he didn't really understand, glitch hunters he could only aggrivate and some weird dudes who called themselves 'theorists' and made less sence than anyone had ever made before.

Although he was no longer among the living, and as such often ignored the flippant concerns of mortals, Bryan was pertubed by events in Fernie in 2002. The local economy shifted, and in only a month half of his old friends dissapeared. The school enviroment changed and nobody seemed to know why it was worth going on with. His brother suddenly turned into playground bully, his mom got a new job and now longer lived to serve, and pokemon just wasn't cool anymore. Life turned rather grey and all commitments began to fade away...

Then, suddenly, Bryan realized what a whiny little bitch the incorpreal equivilant of puberty had made him and, through an effort of pure concentration, instantly expelled all emo from his soul. On the technological side of things, redemption came in the form of a casual infatuation with Warcraft III. In Blizzard's hallowed halls Bryan learned many lessons about teh interwebs and his place in it. All desire to troll faded away and, by the time he bid farewell to battle.net, he was even making positive contributions.

Bryan spent the next few years in wandering scholarship, coming to understand that online communities could either be pleasent and unproductive (WoTC official forums) or efficient yet disgusting (High Impact Halo) but never both... and very often neither. He even found the closest thing to online utopia. YMtC, a forum that spent a small part of the year as the staging ground for an annual Magic: The Gathering contest, was a calm, dramaless, rather inefftive yet infinitely enjoyable hangout for TCG nerds. Here he befriended a level 17 half-elven multiclassed sorcerer/ranger specializing in abjuration and other space altering magics and a level 18 Cleric of the Moon God doing some pro bono work, both excellent fellows, who succesfully managed to free his imprisoned soul and incase it and an animated slice of Granny's ol fashion Apple Pie.

Travels complete, he eventually returned to GameFAQs (Evil was up 246%) to plan his next move. Social Networking was spreading across the net, darkening everything it could touch, but before Myspace could claim him Bryan was consumed by an even greater phenomenon... the massive inflated beast that was Twilight Princess' hype.